Pre Production Panic

Hey gang!

It makes me nervous to even be typing this right now but- my newest creation is set to start production sometime mid March!

I have been working on this project for the last 5-ish months and I somehow still feel unprepared. For a project that’s as touch and go as a Dungeons and Dragons actual play, you want to make sure you cover all the bases you possibly can… However, with a project as touch and go as a Dungeons and Dragons actual play, covering every base is literally impossible. 

The overall experience of directing something you randomly get thrown into and putting up your baby are so very different from one another, which I’m sure isn’t surprising. See, I try to put my 100% best effort into everything I put my name on. Even when I’m thrown onto a project last minute I put thought and care behind what I create. That is ramped up to 10 for a lot of the projects I personally write.

This show means the world to me and for that reason I am incredibly nervous that when the day comes to roll cameras, frustration will set in far too quickly and I will completely lose my wits before the players can even roll initiative. 

This is what I would call my greatest weakness as a director at this point in time. Maybe even my greatest weakness as a creative. To me, the absolute worst feeling in the world is being so excited to start something… but feeling nothing but shame and disappointment once it’s finished. It’s the reason I’ve renounced doing art in its entirety (and crawled my sorry booty back) countless times.

So. If nothing else, my goal as a director over the course of my apprenticeship is to stop letting judgement from myself or others leave a sour taste in my mouth when I do the thing I love most in the world. It's like a mentor of mine once said; “Perfectionism is just another word for procrastination”.

Deep breath. Let’s do this.

This photo is from the very first DND campaign I ever ran, 2 years ago. I remember coming home after nights of laughter and joy and pats on the back and just bawling my eyes out because I should have done x, y, and z better. I wanted to quit after every single session, but I didn't.

I like to look at these pictures when I start to feel discouraged. It reminds me that even when it doesn't feel like it- I'm learning and growing and getting better every single day.