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love letters to my younger self

As I’ve gone through this season of Broadway Bound Live I’ve had the chance to put in motion growing into the artist I want to be but almost more so I’ve had a chance to grow into myself as a person and heal who I was when I created all these dreams in the first place. Reconnecting with my younger self, creating a more caring space for myself and being vulnerable about it in the process has been such a big part of my journey I feel as it may be worth sharing.

So here’s part one of an incremental series I’m going to be doing called “love letters to my younger self” that will be just that, reflective pieces about being kind to yourself, growing up, and following your dreams.

Dear Friend,

You’re a dreamer yet you may not realize it yourself just yet. Imagining out past what you can see just feels like another part of constructing the ever changing world around you. The color green has expanded to chartreuse and red has branched out to crimson and sometimes they even mix a little and make a fiery magenta or calming lilac, just another way everything feels vibrant and alive. You wonder where the seconds blend together and flowers bloom. You wonder what happens in the moment that adults make pauses when they speak and how you’ll be when you’re one of them too. Not like you’re in any hurry, they seem to make things so complicated for themselves for some reason. You copy the lyrics of the second track off the cd your mom got you at the flea market because you somehow want to feel closer to it, scratching the last 3 seconds isn’t quite cutting it. You like when your parents go on long drives (and good thing too because auditions are gonna be a commute away) I mean after all your first words were asking for them to play a song over the old car sound system. You daydream. You see visions of exactly where in a song the singer should smile as they continue and what dance move would fit just right. I’m glad to report back that all this doesn’t go away.

The world keeps feeling even bigger and every year they discover a new corner of the galaxy and somehow that feels just as comforting as you’d hope. Your sister is an artist now so the importance of color theory is still alive and well. Adults are still complicated and you’re slowly becoming one too (sorry) You still listen to songs endlessly when they feel safe but now there’s a computer and algorithm that tells you the statistics of it no less. You still have visions of pretty art, you escaped into them for a while when space felt vacant and unsteady for a few years. Then you lost them for a bit, but not for long.

Ali Esmeralda Marin

Broadway Bound Live S2

April 14th, 2023

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